A search for inner peace...

The past few months have yielded less than desirable days for me and my training program.  Multiple illnesses taxed my immune system thwarting cycling, training and social activities, leading me into a state of depression.  Balance in life is most important to me.  Recently I seemed to have become blinded by personal ambition, ignoring signs of impending physical and mental collapse.  My intense desire to obtain personal goals has had me far-sighted, seeking the to distant future.  Don't get me wrong, I believe strongly in setting long term and short term goals for myself.  Though I am learning how to "live" right now... a perspective I recall from the early days of my injury laying motionless in the hospital clinging to life.  This process of improvement is complex, covering tracks of history.  For me, seeing progress is difficult and sometimes daunting.  It is those around me who reassure my physical work.  As for my spirit...  It is up to me.  Lately with improved health I have been traveling.  To the desert, sea shore and mountain ranges, all with the intent to rediscover and reconnect myself with all.  It's amazing the power of silence, quietly listening to the earths song and my bodies breath.  I am again resetting myself for optimal awareness, proactively balancing all aspects of my life, walking backwards towards tomorrow.

Our bodies are an amazing entity... Rarely is there a day when I'm not consciously aware of both extrinsic and intrinsic factors which affect my bodies system and thus performance.  I notice the slightest of change; nutrition, hydration, sleep, fatigue, atmospheric exposure, i.e.; smog/secondhand smoke, as well as free radical bugs i.e.; viruses and bacteria's.  For the average person most of these factors are dismissed and go un-noticed, leaving the body's immune system responsible for an irresponsible tenant.  I have analyzed my recent immune system deficiencies and have hypothesized that recent multiple extrinsic factors i.e.; over exsertion/training, nutrition, hydration, work related stress, personal stress, relationship stress, secondhand smoke/girlfriend...needs to quit! and multiple virus/bacteria exposures have weighed heavily on the sensitive homeostasis of my body.  My current approach of regaining optimal health is working.  First, is my awareness of my sensitivity.  Second, decreased exsertion in the form of training.  I've cut my gym time down to 3 days a week temporarily to promote a better and more complete recovery with limited spinning/cycling.  Third, I have heightened my awareness of social toxicants such as secondhand cigarette smoke, illnesses and training in poor air quality which all induce "Oxidative Stress" to the body's molecular cell structure.  Now this all may seem excessive, but for me it's not!  I almost feel lazy and carefree, concerned only with happiness, providing a healthy synergistic environment for mind, body and spirit.  Less attention goes into unmet goals, what-ifs and next-years.  I am merely living, "right now" and enjoying every minute of health... everything else seems to just fall into place.

I don't mean to backtrack for today's entry but, I felt I should share the exhilarating time I spent in Sacramento celebrating the 7 year anniversary of my accident.  On May 26th 1999 I was living my dream, traveling the country racing motorcycles.  On that particular day I was pressured to get some much needed practice before an upcoming event.  This late afternoon test session would prove to be the last time I would ever swing my leg over a race bike again... But nobody said anything about not riding a jet ski!  Flash forward 7 years later May 26th 2006 and there I was rippin waves on Folsom lake.  Holding onto the handlebars of the jet ski is as close as I can get to the beloved bars of my dirt bikes.  Yes, I love anything with handlebars and a throttle, and as I cruised the glassy water I would catch reflections on the lakes surface, reflecting my strong, able image.  These last 7 years have been the most significant years of my life, exposing a person I would otherwise have never known.  I am truly grateful for my path in life and wouldn't dare change a thing.  This recovery has been long and hard and will continue to be.  The single most important advice I can give someone overcoming great adversity is,  "Don't set a time limit", in other words, forget about time; 1 year 2 year 10 years... This is a life long process that will yield great pain, suffering, and unmatched achievements...

Survivors... Over the last week I have had the honor and privilege of spending quality time with two amazingly strong willed individuals.  David Spilfogal and twin brother Chris are both very dear childhood friends of mine.  David in recent years has been suffering the effects of a cancerous brain tumor which has proved to be the fight of his young life.  He has undergone all of the latest treatments to curb the onslaught of symptoms and up until now they have proved positive.  I traveled to Carmel over the weekend to join David's family and friends in support as Dave experienced his worst days as a cancer patient.  Amazingly David's strength and will to live overshadowed the swelling of his brain, which allowed him to discard the life support machines, slowly regaining conscious awareness.  Dave has an uphill battle before him but from what I know of him, and the loving support around him, he will prevail and go on to lead a prosperous life of love. 

  On another note of sheer determination of overcoming adversity is my friend Nicole Weight.  Nicole was a Kinesiology student of Taylor Isaacs a few years ago and actually studied about my injury and recovery process when Taylor used me and my case study for his classes.  Ironically and sadly Nicole suffered a spinal cord injury and now implements her studies of rehabilitation on her own personal case.  As if dealing with a spinal cord injury wasn't enough, Nicole was recently diagnosed having cervical cancer and underwent intensive surgery to remove a melon size mass from her mid section.  While visiting Nicole in the hospital, one would never suspect this vibrant young woman to have suffered these two devastating conditions.  Even while lying in bed she radiates beauty and a powerful life force, smiling and cheerful she speaks about a positive future and one of which I am so proud to be a part of...

This is true inspiration~

Oh it hurts so good...  I love the effects of a good training session, the muscle ache, the crossed eyes and burning lungs.  Well, maybe not "love", but I do like the euphoric effect exercise has, especially when finished, swigging on a water bottle, feeling totally satisfied with my efforts.  Not to mention when I look back and compare fatigue...Tired from being ill, stiff, and weak, not able to eat and mentally uninspired, or... Tired from a four hour training session that challenged every part of my body and mind, promoting hunger and creativity...Hmmm??? That's an easy one to answer.  I much rather suffer in the gym, on the bike, or from an active injury rather than lay inactive, ill, and succumb to secondary complications which typically follow a sedentary lifestyle.  Today it was all systems go at the Gold's Gym in Northridge.  My nutrition is up, sleep status good, and my body was ready to rock!  Total body training took me to that epic place in my mind...Satisfaction!  I enjoyed ending my routine with a few of my boy's, "Blonde Tom", "Jumpin Jak Mike", and "Lancracker".  We performed intervals on the stationary cycles instructed by Taylor.  Happily sore I am ready for sleep.

Today is a rest day for me, so what better way to rest than to elevate my heart rate with adrenaline cart racing at Pole Position.  Well ok!  It's not exactly rest, but it is fun, and a terrific way to test my skills and abilities against other motor heads like myself.  Actually, I received a phone call from my paraplegic friend Andy last night mentioning his interest in driving the adapted hand control carts at Pole Position.  Andy is a race car enthusiast with some car handling background, in other words... he's got skillz!  Today marked the first time since sustaining his spinal cord injury that he has driven a race vehicle at speed.  His cheesy child-like grin told it all, as he thanked me for the "medicine" as he called it, referring to the adrenaline fix he received while racing.  Yes, I will be more sore tomorrow from today's venture, probably preventing certain exercises, but how could I refuse an excuse to race? 

If you've ever been to Venice Beach California you've probably seen the wide variety of crazy wheels cruising up and down the ocean front bike path.  Lately, my slow progression back to health and cycling has me pedaling a bunch of different bikes.  I mainly pedal a stationary trainer when I'm not riding with Toot's on the tandem bike.  However recently I discovered my ability to propel a unique recumbent tricycle along the Santa Monica bike path.  The raked Harley-like trikes are rented for $10 an hour and may look cool but are actually heavy and rusted making them slower than G.W.B on roller skates.  Just the fact that my two bird legs can crank the rusty pedals, moving me along through time and space independently is all the fun. Although riding in that position has me searching for the throttle, wishing there was a big V-twin motor on board... Vaarroooommm!  I know, I know... total nerd!

Beneath the visible surface of life, or say success in life, is a vast network of experiences, decisions and people... "Roots".  I use this analogy and these three examples because of my own experience, and my understanding of my personal evolution.  Albeit there are many more factors which make up an individual and their path, but elaborating any further would make for a short story rather than a journal entry.  I share my thoughts of this topic because of my constant reflections, looking in retrospect at my many life experiences, the choices I've made or didn't make, and the people I've shared it with.  In the large scheme of life I am visibly a sapling, but my underlying root structure for living lay deep and branch abroad.  I've been sharing allot lately about my life and health, seeking an overall balance from which to build from.  And as I continue digging, rebuilding my body, I uncover treasures about myself, small ingots of wisdom, solid stones of strength and crystal wells of clarity, all acknowledged and cherished by my open mind.  This awareness rains down upon the top soil, quenching my thirsty roots, allowing me to grow ever taller, ever broader and ever stronger than I ever was before.

Lately I have been spending allot of time with my girl Stephanie.  She and I live in different towns, leading different lives, both working for a brighter tomorrow.  Stephanie is a unique girl, she has a condition called Scoliosis, she underwent extensive corrective surgery which placed 2 large titanium rods along her spine to straighten her severe lateral curve.  She is now healthy and strong with a deep appreciation and underlying wisdom which is apparent in her presence.  Both Steph and I know the importance of our health, and recently she has joined Toot's and me at the Gold's Gym in Northridge.  Working out along side her is like a dream, having both Toot's and Steph "my girls" sweating their tails off while I do my thing is awesome!  It's the best of both worlds!  I heard this cool quote somewhere..." A couple who train's together, stays together".  I like that!  I like how she supports me and what I do, and intern my experience with health and fitness will benefit her and her goals.  As a treat, the three of us cruised to Malibu to enjoy my pal Brandon and his band "Big Dume" play at an intimate but smoky gig at the local Dume Room.  I hope this couple's therapy continues... way better than any $200 an hour leather couch! 

On the road again... A hot and windy road!  Toots and I have not ridden the tandem in awhile.  My current approach of regaining health and fitness is a slow full circle approach, focusing less on intense cycling and more on complete strength and power, providing me with a stable platform from which I can ride from.  I have always utilized the entire circle of function when training/rehab, instructed and guided by Taylor Isaacs.  However earlier this year, cycling seemed to dominate my program and actually began to deplete me rather than improve me.  So now my new "slow and steady get's you ready" approach to cycling is proving beneficial.  This weekend we rode the familiar highway 126, and although terribly hot with a gale force headwind, Toot's and I smiled while crankin the pedals, happy to be suffering together again.  

I will be leaving town to attend a funeral service held  for my late friend David Spilfogal.  David's fight against cancer ended Sunday, one day before his 27th birthday,  when his young body could no longer withstand the devastating effects of brain cancer.  David was a beautiful person and a good man.  His physical presence will be missed by all who were so lucky to grace his path, but his spirit and energy will go on, strengthening, inspiring, and loving eternally... I love you Dave!